“One major regret I have is how involved I let my parents get me into their divorce.”
Frank, a believer in learning and self-change, reflects on the childhood experiences that made him who he is today. He recalls that his mother tried to keep him out of the issue, but his father filled him in on the truth in hopes that Frank would stay with him. He wishes he had stepped up to tell them he didn’t want to be a part of the divorce, but acknowledges without his involvement, he likely wouldn’t be the same person he is today.
“I don’t think I’d be as mature, as motivated, to do things. I think I’d be more scared and more intimidated by any sense of adversity that comes in my way.”
Frank doesn’t typically go out of his way to explain his past and the way he was affected by his parents’ divorce. He notes, “Most people don’t really come up to me like, ‘Hey, we noticed you’re kind of different than most people—what happened in your life?’”
People only tend to point out, “You’re weird, you’re different, you’re kind of out there,” but no one ever asks Frank the most important question—why?
Frank says, “It’s something that I keep to myself, but it’s not something I want to keep to myself.” He wishes more people would ask why he does the things he does and how he does them.
Something he also doesn’t typically talk about is his relationships, which is what people are more often asking about. “It’s not that I don’t want to share—it’s just that I don’t really have anything to say that I would want to tell them.”
Once, he was in a relationship where le let himself become too open with someone he had liked for a long time. He had strong feelings for the girl and opened up by telling her everything that was going on with him, what was wrong, what his flaws were. Unfortunately, though she cared, she didn’t feel the same. They are now still friends, but Frank wishes he could have handled the situation better.
“I ended up being diagnosed with anxiety because of her. I had to go to the hospital’s emergency room for stomach pains because the anxiety was so strong. That just shows how much I cared for her,” he recalls.
Another event that deeply traumatized Frank was the passing away of his grandmother, which threw him in a bout of depression for a few weeks. His father had also been recently scheduled for a surgery that could mean life or death. Though consumed by worry, Frank noticed how difficult it is to express his fears amid the hustle of daily life in today’s society. It also led him to reflect about the value of the time we spend with those we love.
“It’s really hard to show how I feel because you kind of have to go with the grind of every day college life, and you don’t really spend as much time with people as you would want to because you have a schedule, they have a schedule, and you don’t want to put that kind of stress on them.”
Instead, Frank would visit a counseling center, but it wouldn’t feel the same: “I didn’t feel like I was connecting with someone about something.”
He feels that the alternative is more authentic—that if your friends notice something is wrong, they would step up and say something, and once you have confided in them, they would be trustworthy enough to keep it under wraps. “I feel like that’s what good friends would do,” he says.
Frank explains that most of his happiest moments arise from spending time with people he cares about. In senior year of high school, this meant spending time with his friends, as he hadn’t been able to do that when he was younger. But most notably, he was always happy when spending time with his grandmother, and now wishes he had done so more often.
“I would just go play video games, not thinking much of her. But now I wear her name on my wrist every single day. She lived with me, but her being there made me feel safe and happy, even though I wasn’t necessarily spending as much time with her as I would have liked to. Her being there, me listening to the faint noise of her watching TV in the other room as she laughed at a show or a superhero movie—her presence just changed how I saw things. And that made me really happy.”
When it comes to past mistakes, Frank often thinks about things he could have changed. “Not necessarily regrets,” he says. “Just what if I did this differently or that?”
He started taekwondo when he was 10 years old, and the martial art changed his life. “That changed how I viewed this, how I did things, how I acted. It changed who I was as a person as a whole.”
Before training in taekwondo, Frank was somebody who would regularly get sent to the principal’s office for misbehaving. When he tells people this, they usually respond that he doesn’t seem like that kind of student—and that impression is mainly attributed to his experience in taekwondo.
“My instructor—I can’t give him any more thanks than I already do. Without him, I don’t know where I’d be. I’d probably still be troubled. I probably wouldn’t be at the college I am now. I probably wouldn’t have a lot of friends. And I probably would be somewhere that deals with more mentally unstable people.”
The divorce that marked most of his early childhood affected him significantly until he began to train for his black belt, where he could focus his time, effort, and energy. “It was a good way to clear my head and restart how I view things.”
Frank also often thinks about his future — “not necessarily who I’m going to marry or how many kids I will have, but more so who I’m going to stay connected with.” Frank makes a strong effort to stay connected with close high school friends and those he treasures now. “I’m hoping I can stay connected with them both in the near and distant future.”
Thinking about the future also includes job. Although he is an engineering student with a plethora of available opportunities, Frank can’t see himself working at a desk, merely computing on MatLab. “I just need to be moving around,” he says. “I can’t see myself underneath someone.”
Frank explains that he’s been told many times that he’s a leader and that he feels like he could be if he focused more on it. “I’ve been able to prove that to myself several times through things like taekwondo. Getting to my third-degree black belt—that takes a lot of self-motivation because no one is really there to support you. Your parents are on the sidelines, but you’re the one working day-in and day-out to get that belt, whether it’s sparring or using weapons or trying to do the right amount of push-ups or controlling your breathing. It’s a very centered effort.”
He also demonstrated his leadership when he acquired funding for his high school’s crew team before it fell apart. “I just went off on a whim and said, ‘We need to do this.’” Others agreed, and Frank directed his team members to help him in the effort. “Without that team effort, I don’t think we would have done it,” he clarifies.
This drive to innovate and initiate his own ideas is what inspires his need to work independently. “I can’t see myself working for Elon Musk or NASA. I do my own things my own way.” Recently, Frank has been considering starting his own company based off of an idea he began in high school, and he hopes this will branch off into more opportunities, something that’s bigger than himself and goes beyond the original spark.
“I consider myself an innovator—I created one whole concept out of thin air, and I’m starting on another one that I haven’t really told anyone about yet.” He’s very excited for what his ideas have in store for him.
He concludes, “I hope I can continue being inspired, but as of right now, the future is blurry.”
About Frank
A believer of learning and self-change. Thankful for the misfortunes. A blurred mind full of transparent ideas.
Between the Lines 